I always felt that I didn’t fit in. Not just when moving to another country with another language, no; I didn’t even fit in in my own country. I was always punished at school for being ”too much” of a dreamer, or considered an ”over the top” smiling person, as if ”I am mocking you while I talk to you” sort of thing; or because I feel too much and I am an extremely sensitive person. I never understood why those things about me were wrong but I learned to overcome the comments and started to be free.
When I started to do that, all those aspects mentioned before, started to increase without an option to stop them or control them. Since then, I keep getting the comments but I don’t care that much because I am happy with who I am and where I am going. Yes, whenever I talk to you, you might think I am nuts because I don’t have a job anymore, or my own place, or own things or all that stuff that comes with being a grown up, or we think they do.
Now, I feel free. I paid all my debt and I might have no savings like you, but I feel happy and in control of my life, sometimes. I am starting to let go all those walls that kept me ”sane”, or I thought, and it feels wonderful. For the people that know me, you know how organized and freakishly crazy about time, details and plans I can be; well, now I am on automatic with the life ahead of me as the driver. I plan some, but then I let it be and here I am, writing this now. If something doesn’t work out, there is always plan B and the rest of the ABC’s, for that matter.
I started this journey of the travelling freckle, with all those emotions in a raw state, because I let them loose. So I had to sit down, and filter them(I am still learning to do so). Now, I hear myself first and follow the signs that present before me, as a person, an event, as anything basically; and it just amazes me how closed we are and because of that, we miss these little things that guide us. Once you open your eyes and attitude towards finding out who you are, you own your life. You stop following what you think it’s right; and most importantly, you become you.
I feel that I have found my passion, which you might or might not understand, but my passion is to discover our world and the people in it. I am way too excited to be able to do what I’ve always loved to do, and this is just the beginning of it. I am not isolating myself from this world by doing this journey. I am actually throwing myself into this world without a care if I am considered a crazy person or not, because I am where I want to be.
All I am trying to say is that, I keep daydreaming, I keep smiling way too much as in ”I am mocking you while I talk to you” sort of way, I feel too much everything around me and I cry when I am happy or if you are happy, and if I am sad and if you are sad; that’s how I am, and how I will be, and there is no way back. I belong to the world and to me. I am me.
p.s. just be you, love yourself, and take care of our lovely planet.
That was a sweet rant and I am still practicing on how to put into words EVERYTHING I think at the same time in my head…!
“Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs”
Lima, Perú. 13 JULIO 2015. Día gris.
share, comment, give me insight, say hello